Now that the internet is back on, I thought I’d tell all of you what you’ve been missing. No, not the race for republican nominee, not the idiocy that pops out of the mouths of candidates, their surrogates, or the media, not even SOPA news or anything Obama has done.
You missed purity bears!
The Purity Bear Will Cockblock You Until You’re Married
Jezebel
Hey guys, have you met The Purity Bear? He’s a plush toy who appears to tempted teens and warns them without moving his mouth that going inside a girl’s house will inevitably lead to sex having, and sex having before marriage is literally the worst decision you could possibly make.
In spite of the fact that this could easily be parody, this video is a very real effort to promote the very real Day of Purity. On that Pure of Days, everyone focuses on their genitals for awhile, and somehow that makes them better people. Pure people.
This Purity Bear video also teaches us an important lesson about women, namely that they’re usually the ones responsible for tricking men into getting turned on, and they’re always demanding sex from poor, defenseless, virtuous, chaste dudes. It happened in Twilight when Bella spent like 3 books humping Edward’s leg before he agreed to put out, it happened to Sir Galahad, the Chaste in that castle full of horny virgins, and it’s happening here, right on this now besotted doorstep. For shame, woman. For shame, women.
Visibly absent from this scenario was the Artie The Angry Trouser Python, who appears to men and tells them to never turn down a handjob.
Right Wing Watch even has video!
But, if you feel the need, you can talk about politics or news if you need to. But I will be sitting here wondering if and how junior there is cuddling with the bear with deep voice….
I want to know where all those pushy, horny guys I knew as teenager went to? The ones that I had to fight off? I don’t remember EVER coming onto a guy! My how times, or perceptions, or scriptwriters have changed!
And Lea! I want to know the answer before I go to bed! What grade level???
How would I know what reading comprehension levels are for certain ages when I have a third grade gnephew who says things like, “Biscuits are an insult to Yeast Rolls,” and knows the difference between exothermic and endothermic.
I hope the answer is here by morning!
@Gnome, it has to do with complexity of sentences and the number of syllables per word. There are formulas. or formulae.
Go wish Tengrain a happy birthday. On the wrong day, of course, given his profound anonymity. I had to defrost last year’s birthday cake, since he wouldn’t let me post it on the right day then either.
(Fixed link)
My word program said it was Grade level 3.2–rest well, Gnome.
OT–Unfortunately I can not get back the time I wasted watching that video.
That is on topic.
@ Texas Betsy:
It was late and I confused the abbreviation. I had been off topic before.
Hope things are improving Gnome.
okay, Texas Bumz, your governor is coming home beaten and bowed. Just remember home is where they have to take you.
Better luck with your next governor.
Perry is coming home because it is 75 degrees and sunny today in Austin. I’m working poolside.
Betsy, I want you to know that your blackout worked on my computer-the site was re-directed to the petition page (which I signed !) Don’t know if it would have worked the same if I’d been on the laptop.
As for Perry, please try to do better. The last two Governors of Texas have been…subpar. To say the least. It’s not like you don’t have a standard to look up to, you had Anne Richards for goodness sake
anyway, hoping for better next time 
But you need to see this. The cutest baby in the world with pasta sauce all over her face.
@ gnome de plume:
Looks like she enjoyed the dinner!
Eat it or wear it, same diff
Got the boy’s bathroom cleaned in anticipation of MadGranny’s arrival tomorrow, and washed the bedding on the little kid’s bed too. It’s not like he ever sleeps in it himself
The average reading level according to the several calculators I put it through was 3rd grade, so Sharonlee wins. The little guy loses because he’s only in 1st grade and is expected to read it fluently. He took one look at it and said “I can’t read that!” Stupid packaged reading program.
@ Lea:
So did you raise hell with the teacher? That sounded to me about the level that the little guy’s fluency passages are, but he’s halfway through 2nd grade.
From Josh Marshall’s liveblogging of the R debate:
9:05 PM: I feel like I need to read the transcript of what Mitt just said about his taxes but I think I’m going to need to get stoned first.
@ madmommy:
The teacher is just following the prescribed curriculum. I double-checked with the first grade teachers at my school. It’s the people who write this crap who should be strung up by the short and curlies.
@ Lea:
I thought it was probably about 4th or 5th grade. The sentences were simple enough, but there wasn’t much flow between them. To read something like that out loud, you can’t read one word at a time[*]. We’re not expecting that out of 3rd graders yet, are we?
[*] Or you end up with things like, “What’s for dinner? Mother?”
I did a copy and paste into Word and ran the evaluation. It breaks it down to word size, etc. and then gives reading level. I believe it was something like 89% ease but that was for the 3rd grade level.
Lea, I’m just glad your younger one just said flat out he couldn’t read that.
I couldn’t read it either, but that is because it was so boo-oring! Why can’t the stupid gits write interesting reading comprehension tests. I never did well on them in school because they were so lame and forgettable that I could never recall what they were trying to say.
And with that, I am outa here. I am supposed to have an MRI on my back in the morning. That is if the lovely insurance company that Rick Perry thinks is superior to ObamaCare has come through with its pre-authorization.
Good luck, Gnome.
Good luck with the MRI Gnome!
good luck with the MRI, gnome!
last night was my last night on 2nd shift … next friday i have to be at work at 5am.
i will be keeping madmommy hours!
NDFG at work by 5AM? Yikes! Will you also be doing major housecleaning at the same hour on the weekends?
In the meantime, the Volvo’s “check engine” light has come on. Mr. Gnome, who is driving it back and forth to Houston every week said he didn’t see it yesterday. Of course, that doesn’t the light wasn’t on.
So we have to switch cars and I can’t take the Volvo in to get checked until Monday. 
@ gnome de plume:
Sorry the day is going to badly, Gnome.
My manual says you can drive with just the check engine light on (although you are supposed to get it checked) but when the wrench tool displays along with the check engine light, park and tow.
Texas Betsy wrote:
@ newdealfarmgrrrlll:
actually, i will be at work all weekend. my new shift is 5am to 5:30pm friday-saturday-sunday. So my “weekend” will be monday thru thursday.
ZOMG! 5 am!! NDFG!!!!
Maybe there’s something to this 2012 stuff, after all. 
@ gordon:
time to invest in coffee futures!
@ newdealfarmgrrrlll:
Fortunately, I just got in my Peets shipment so I’m probably insulated from the inevitable supply disruptions for quite awhile.
@ gnome de plume:
Have you gotten gas lately? If I don’t tighten the gas cap down until it clicks several times the check engine will come on.
MadGranny is here, the dogs are beside themselves. We went out to dinner and ate like a bunch of little piggies. It was delish!
@ madmommy:
Enjoy the visit. Is there a party tomorrow?
Gnome, if mm’s diagnosis is correct, you will have to teach Mr. Gnome how to close the gas cap.
Just finished working on my taxes–much earlier than usual. I love TurboTax.
@ sharonlee:
The check engine light used to have a connection to the gas cap, so I tried that. Didn’t help.
Never did get the MRI situation worked out.
I ended up going on an adventure with Arthur at the ranch. I’ve had my TENS unit on my back since I got back. 
I have inherited a ticket for An Evening with Patti LuPone
and Mandy Patinkin tomorrow afternoon. I really like his music. THey will be in the new Performing Arts Center so it will be a great opportunity to see that place.
@ sharonlee:
Dang, I’m jealous. Love, love, love both of them! Have a great time!
Hi honeys I’m home.
What’s the madparty tomorrow?
See y’all tomorrow.
zzzzzz
@ Betsy:
This week was the big kid’s birthday and madgranny is in town. Don’t know what the party plans are.
Pellora, are you and yours safe from the Reno fire?
Everyone is coming over to do burgers, dogs, cake and ice cream for the big kid’s birthday. He doesn’t know it, but he’s getting the giant LEGO he asked for. A bit pricey for a birthday, but he’s a good kid and he’ll earn it later
Right now I’ve got him scouring his room for tiny bits and pieces that Major might get a hold of and choke on. It’s been a while since I was on toddler saftey patrol!
@ madmommy:
Do you have one of those tubes: if the item goes through it, it is too small?
Hope the big kid has a happy Lego birthday.
@ sharonlee:
No, just a sweep of any and all small pieces
Major is coming???
Sounds like something got worked out.
Howdy all. Had a quiet day. Four students and a football game tomorrow. Now watching the news from South Carolina.
Betty White’s bday party is vastly more entertaining than the SC primary mop-up. Happy birthday, Betty!
Patti LuPone and Mandy Patinkin did a great show. I lucked out getting a ticket as a friend’s husband couldn’t go. The new performance center is beautiful but the designers didn’t really plan well for moving people throughout.
Just caught up with Newt’s win. I hope Candy Crowley irritates him tomorrow morning. He is scheduled to be on her show.
@ gnome de plume:
So now we are once again dealing with an in-law that is high maintenance and must walk on eggshells to maintain relations with Major’s mother. Mom went with brother to run some errands today. They talked about how they now have two adults beds, and he doesn’t want to get rid of the set he bought after she left, in case she decides to go off the reservation again 
Their house has a 3rd bedroom, but it’s rather small, and he uses it as an office. he’ll probably move his desk into the den and make the office a guest room, even though it’s not much bigger than the bed. But it will mean the next time MadGranny comes down to take care of Major because he can’t go to daycare she can sleep in a real bed instead of on an air mattress 
Yeah. She figured out that taking care of a baby all by yourself is hard work. Especially when your husband was the one who got up with the baby every morning, got him bathed, fed dressed and off to daycare so you could sleep in. She moved back in a couple of weeks ago
@ madmommy:
Hopefully next time she goes off the reservation she will go alone and leave the baby with his daddy.
@ sharonlee:
and maybe not find her way back until she’s got her priorities straight.
the keyboard on my laptop has gone loco. the J, L, :, C, and N keys have gone on strike. Fortunately, it’s still under warranty and Dell is sending out a new keyboard. In the meantime, I went and bought a USB keyboard, which allowed me to get into the computer at all since I set it up with a password to thwart two boys who like to go in and mess with my tabs by going to game sites. My password started with an L.
Sometimes one can work around one bad letter but three is a challenge.
sharonlee wrote:
I remember when NDFG had that problem. She cut and pasted for awhile. But IIRC, it was only one letter. An S or an E, I think. I was having that problem with my H’s. Something was stuck underneath the key and it wouldn’t connect properly, but I seem to have gotten the crumb or the critter out.
I talked to a friend today that I hadn’t talked to in maybe four years. We spent almost two hours on the phone the catching up!
gnome de plume wrote:
It’s good to reconnect with friends.
@ gnome de plume:
the USB keyboard was a good (and cheap) decision but it’s messing with my mind to use the keyboard and then have to go back to the laptop to use the mouse. The keyboard is supposed to be above the mouse pad, not below!
Mr. gnome has been taping Downton Abbey and we have been watching one episode a night. What a fabulous series! Maggie Smith is a riot! I wish I always had a response ready for any and all utterances that were sent my way, like these lively upper class Brits do. The dialog is just delicious.
To say nothing of the costumes. :swoon: